Fancy Dinner In Exchange For Affection?

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The other week, a group of us tripped into a conversation about dating and dinner and paying the bill. Maybe a few men in the world think buying an expensive meal for a woman obligates her to sleep with him. I’m just hoping not even a few women in the world have bought into that.

This week, I saw an internet forum discussion about the same issue. Some of the responses were interesting — see below to read them.

Author’s Question: Does accepting an expensive dinner from a man obligate a woman to sleep with him?

Original Post: “I overheard this conversation while playing poker the other day. Some guy was telling his buddy about this date he had. Seems he spent quite a bit of money on this date and got “nothing in return” (his words, not mine).

He was saying that if a woman accepts an expensive dinner from a man, she is pretty much obligated to put out at the end of the night. If not, he concludes she has broken some kind of unwritten rule.

Now I have no idea of what he looked at as expensive, but I am guessing anything over a few hundred dollars. If a woman accepts such a dinner from a man, is she them obligated to have sex with him?

Have any of you women encountered this kind of man?
Would a man really accept guilt sex from a woman under those circumstances?


“Some men have enough money to wine and dine a different woman each evening. Don’t get too dazzled by his spending or think you owe him something in return. He CHOSE to pay. Another gentle warning: often guys who spend a lot on the first date are the same guys who have superiority complexes and have a wife or girlfriend on the side.”

“There are men out there that think if they buy a gal dinner off of the dollar menu at McDonald’s, the gal is obligated to put out.
Since this rule is ‘unwritten’, then I can only guess it is one this guy and a few others who think like him made up on their own to try and guilt a woman into doing something she does not want. Unfortunately, I have encountered this kind of guy. He did not get what he wanted since he could not back up his argument that I ‘owed him’ with proof of this oh-so-silly rule over a $60.00 dinner.”

“Only if she is a hooker and that is her price. Dump the creep.”

“You are kidding right? Dinner equates with sharing you’re most personal expression of love is way to unbalanced. Anyone that thinks sex is “fair payment” for a meal has a serious problem with self worth.”

“Well… for starters… I work and get paid, so I don’t go out on dates just to get a free dinner or free drinks. I would never go to a super expensive restaurant on a FIRST date. But if I did, I would make sure I have enough money to cover for my “share” of the bill. There are enough moderately-priced restaurants in my area where we can have a delicious meal without having to pay an arm and a leg. When I go out on a date, I always make sure I pay for something. If he gets dinner, I’ll get the drinks or ice cream or something, and if I don’t get to pay for anything that first night and there is a second date, I’ll pay for that. I just don’t like the feeling of “owing” someone, since there are obviously guys out there who think like that.”

“What a load. If I take a lady out for a nice meal, it’s because I want to, not because I expect anything in return but the pleasure of her company. She owes me nothing, and I never let a woman pay on dates unless she absolutely insists on paying her half -and I mean INSISTS, which I have had happen a time or two.”

“I’m either just lucky or have a sixth sense about men but I have never had a man even insinuate that I owed him anything after an expensive date. Maybe you should “raise the bar” when accepting dates.”

“I encountered this more often in my younger days. When I first started to actually go out for dates, Dad always gave me money. At first I couldn’t figure out what I needed extra money for, but he said, “It’s just in case.” I soon found out what that meant. I remember the first time I had to “use” some of the money when a guy basically said, “You won’t go home with me after I spent X amount of dollars on dinner?” I handed him my share and said, “I guess we are even. Please take me home.” As I get out of the car, he says, “Maybe I’ll call you.” I said, “You’ll forgive me if I don’t hold my breath. Now, came the hard part – telling my father how I had needed to use some of the money. Much to my surprise, he told me that was exactly why he always gave me the money.”

“Unfortunately, there are damaged men out there who will accept “guilt sex” or any kind of sex, short of forcible rape or flat out paying a hooker. Smart women simply avoid allowing a man to spend significant money on them until they are fairly certain the man is not in that pathetic category. On a couple of occasions, when I’ve heard men whining about asking a woman out, showing her a good time and getting “nothing in return”, I have offered the suggestion (loudly and bluntly!) that next time he should just hire a hooker in whatever price range he’s happy with.”


2 thoughts on “Fancy Dinner In Exchange For Affection?

    jesi said:
    01/17/2012 at 9:16 am

    I know you handpicked the responses for this blog but I’m relieved to read others’ denial that this is an “obligation” a woman should face. I haven’t personally experienced this but would laugh at any man who assumed as such (and love the story of the Dad giving his daughter money whenever she went out on dates).

      J Likes To Write responded:
      01/17/2012 at 11:42 pm

      Yes, I posted reactions I thought were interesting, but fortunately, even the less interesting ones were not too horrifying. Some said men shouldn’t expect sex, though there are men who may “have their fingers crossed” for it after spending a lot of money. Others suggested women owe nothing but should have the decency to avoid taking advantage of heaps of men just for free things. And so on.

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